• Make sure your bed is extremely comfortable with warm coverings, luxurious pillows and a duel control electric blanket with half of it kept on low during the night- even in an Australian summer.

• Make multiple copies of the death certificate and the will, and keep a stack of business envelopes and stamps to hand.  The most unlikely organisations demand a certified copy of the death certificate and will to close the file or account of the person who has died, or to remove their name from an account. Create a form letter to accompany the documents, and send them out without arguing or getting upset even if it is the second or third time an organisation has asked for the documentation.

• Make only the most urgent decisions about life and property in the early months. To remain polite with well-meaning people, develop standard lines such as, ‘I’m leaving everything as it is for six months, then I’ll decide what to do with...’ and don’t think any further about their suggestions until you are ready. 

• Forgive people for saying odd things, they probably mean well but are not sure quite what to say; listen to the sentiment rather than the words.  And at least they said something because it is quite difficult to be around people who do not acknowledge your grief at all.

• Grief is physically debilitating and the stomach can take the full physical brunt of it, especially in the early period.  The right foods and natural therapies can keep it going and protect it from long-term damage.  

• Close family and friends are vital supports; they cannot fix the sadness or grief but they can provide all sorts of help to ease the way.  Ask for help and accept help but at the same time be wary of using friends or family as counsellors over a prolonged period.

• For the first few years, plan every anniversary or significant date with utmost care, leaving little to chance.  Create personal ceremonies to mark important days.

• Beware of shopping, particularly around Christmas; it is hard walking past shelves of items containing products that are no longer required and buying food products in smaller sizes – and even harder if Merry Christmas everyone is playing in the background in November.

• Don’t worry about giving long, intimate answers about your bereavement to a semi-stranger - it happens.

• Occasionally do something fun that demands total absorption and no thought - like go on a roller coaster or on a fast boat trip; hurtling along at great speed provides a brief break from the relentless pressure of grief.

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